by Conner Baldwin '71
I
have never been the sort of person who wins prizes. I’ve never wasted
my time with Publisher’s Clearing House. My raffle ticket never wins
the barbeque grill. My lottery number never comes up. Of course, I don’t
buy lottery tickets at all, but since the odds of losing with a ticket are
fairly close to losing without one, I just cut out the middleman to save
time. My dad was a tight-fisted Certified Public Accountant, and it rubbed off on me. He went to the races at Ruidoso Downs and always bet the two-dollar window on the top money winner in all races, win-place-or-show. Dad usually came home a little ahead with about five bucks more than he left with. Now, Ylanda Copeland is a library employee noted for her creative costumery. A couple years back, she challenged the rest of us in the library to enter the Halloween costume contest and parade. Since I'd been noted for curmudgeonly lack of participation in such foolery, I said nothing but decided to see just this once if I could show her up.
I drew up a space man outfit and had my wife make the thrift store run for supplies. Then I painted my face and hands blue. The hardest part was the antennae. And I took my new recumbent bicycle, which was as red as my costume and definitely looked out of this world. You can’t really see the antennae in the picture, but they’re there, honest—two kitting
needles drilled into a plastic hairband and spray-painted
blue to match the rest of me. Well, I surprised and outdid Ylanda. And when time came for costume judging (and she was a judge), she swayed the rest of the panel by saying I was “… just so darned cute.” President Summerlin wasn't ready to concede my “cuteness,” but he grudgingly agreed that my costume and mode of transportation was the best. So I won first prize—a nice gym bag.
Next came
a parade—a once around the campus by all the witches, princesses,
spacemen, vampires, and even one comely lass dressed up as a French wh...uh,
vamp. I was on my bike, so I cruised around the group and ahead of them.
When I got as far as the L.A. Schreiner dorm, I heard a squeal. A rather
longish bull snake had taken up residence in the bushes just outside of
some coed’s room, and a couple of Plant Ops personnel were there trying
to evict it while the girl looked on. The snake was being a bit uncooperative.
I rode up to the group, dropped the bike, yelled, “Don't kill it guys,
I’ll take it,” and just grabbed this four-foot snake, hopped
back on the bike and pedaled off. There was just a bit of puzzlement on
the faces of the Plant Ops guys as this costumed weirdo appeared and quickly
disappeared with their quarry.So there I was, a prize-winning, blue-faced Martian on a weird-looking bicycle riding around the campus holding a live snake. Only at Schreiner, right?
Now came an opportunity I simply couldn’t pass up. I cruised silently up behind the starters on the women’s basketball team who were out for their afternoon jog, and quietly greeted them. I would have given a lot for a hidden video camera by the driving range as they screamed and scattered in all directions like a flock of doves. The snake found a new home back near the creek. I took my prize and went home. I think this year I’ll find a new costume. For one thing, I don’t think all those girls have graduated. A few of them might still be looking for me. I rather enjoy my status as a campus character. I’d hate to end it being pounded to a pulp by the girl's basketball team.
